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Subject:Choices??
Time:07:38 am
Current Mood:cheerfulcheerful
This is in response to a post by Hedgee. I thought it was a good question to start the discussion with.

Why did I choose to have children?

I can honestly say that it was not a conscious decision. I just always knew that I wanted to have them. I fell pregnant by accident the first time at age 17 but the thought of not continuing with the pregnancy never entered my mind. Because I was so young when I had my daughter I was very aware that a large number of people "disapproved" of me. I can be very difficult as a young mum to feel that people are just waiting for me to make a mistake so they could judge me.

I know that people will say that just knowing or an accidental pregnancy is not a "reason" and yes you are correct I don't dispute that fact. I also believe that a persons choice to remain CF is exactly that "their choice" I never question this but I know other's do. My daughter is now the same age that I was when I had her and she has no desire to have children. She has expressed this since she was about 13yrs old and I have never questioned her about it. She vaguely mentioned the idea of perhaps adopting from overseas in her late thirties but the majority of the time she is content to remain CF for life. Will this attitude change in the future? I don't know and honestly don't care. Her life, her choice.

A question to the other parent's do you find that once you have a child people then start to question you as to when you are having the next one. I found that people hate for you to have an odd number of children, after the first they want a second, then if you go onto a third they either ask why? or want you to have a fourth???

It irritates me that other's feel that they have a right to question your choice about such a personal aspect of your life.
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rwp
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Time:2004-07-22 03:27 pm (UTC)
*Applauds* That's absolutely beautiful, darling. One of the biggest pet peeves that I deal with is the questioning of my childfree status. Even complete strangers ask me if I have children (I'm 21, yet, I look much younger than that), and if I say no, I don't want children, the look at me as though I have just committed a grave sin against humanity.

I can imagine that the questioning of your desire to keep your child at such a young age was quite irritating as well. And your 13 year old sounds very mature for her age. The fact that she could make a concious, adult decision like that just proves that you've raised her right. She's obviously weighed and measured her choices before making a decision. That's good parenting right there, and what all of us, including us CF folk, love to see.
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tin_kitten
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Time:2004-07-23 01:00 am (UTC)
My son is only 3 months old and we are getting hassled to have another one already! Drives me up the wall!! Hubby is getting the snip asap - we only ever wanted one and there is no way i'm putting myself through that again!
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rwp
Link:(Link)
Time:2004-07-23 11:16 am (UTC)
Jesus. Seriously, you're getting hassled for only having ONE child?

*boggles*

And I thought it was bad I was getting hassled for not wanting ANY. Do these people think kids are like cans of beer and should come in packs or something?

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tin_kitten
Link:(Link)
Time:2004-07-23 11:28 am (UTC)
Oh yeah, you can't only have one cause then it will be spoiled and have not friends etc.

Why people think I wanna put myself through all that hell again is beyond me! I refuse to be part of the motherhood conspiracy, you know, the ones that tell you all that pain was worth it when you see their smiling faces and that you forget how sore it was - BULLSHIT!!!
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mefiant_aus
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Time:2004-07-23 03:35 pm (UTC)
It seems that no matter what your choice is there are people out there that feel it is their right to have a say about it.

It is interesting to hear the "flip side" of the comments tho.

It seems no matter what choice you make its the wrong one.
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